Daily Sobriety/Keto Blog June 9, 2024

Weight: 334.4 lbs (151.7 kg)
BMI: 42.9
Waist: 55 in (137.2 cm)
WtHr: 74.3%

Breakfast: X
Lunch: 4x Bar-S Jumbo Jumbo Hot Dogs
Dinner: Top Sirloin Steak
Drinks: Diet Dr Pepper, Kroger Energy Shot, Kroger Blackberry Citrus Seltzer Water
Sober Day 1

Having a hard time just...giving a damn. It's not even a thought of, “I'll do it tomorrow” It's more of a just sitting here zombie scrolling through social media. I seriously need to get my life under control. Those first sentences were written four days ago. Lately I feel like I'm just tumbling trough space. I grew up wanting to be an astronaut, but this isn't that.

I was going to get this restarted back on Tuesday when I was really surprised by

 1. I woke up at half-past noon. It seems like a flex, but I really hate sleeping past noon. And when I did get downstairs I was surprised by the second surprise. 

2. My Mom was banging on my door doing a welfare check. My Stepdad had called her to check on me because I had let the battery on my phone die and the three of us are in a circle on a tracking app, and he was concerned because my phone was dead and I hadn't left my house in a day or two. And writing that out I can see his point. I am trying to write these in a way that won't worry my Mom, but I'm pretty sure that she's already worried about me. Particularly because when she got to my house there was a 30pk of Natty Light that I had just finished off the day before. 

And seriously Mom banging down my door really should have been the wake up call to get back to things (and I mean no disrespect) but it just didn't click. The thing that really got to me was when I came down stairs this morning my stove was covered in maggots because I hadn't done dishes in days. And I realized that I had resorted to eating the Hot Dogs that I had yesterday for lunch with a spoon because all of my forks were dirty. And I'm just sitting here surrounded by mess, waiting to go back to bed, to go to work to wait to go home to wait to go back to bed. 

Cooked some Cabbage Soup this morning before work. A bit of a frustration on that is that it really shouldn't have taken me two and a half hours to get one pot of soup cooked. I had just enough time to finish the soup before I had to take off. Had a paranoid thought as I was pulling into the parking lot at work. As I left the house the light on the stove indicated that the cooking surface was still hot. I had the thought, “Wouldn't it suck if I had forgot to turn the burner off? I'm pretty sure I turned the burner off, did I turn the burner off?” I was pacing around the front end for a hour or two going back and forth on the idea, “Of course I turned it off,” and “If I hadn't turned it off, someone would have called the store looking for me” I didn't get the chance to bag up the servings of soup before I had to leave for work, so if I had forgotten to turn it off it definitely wouldn't have been soup by the time I got home for lunch.

The good news is that when I got home for lunch I saw that I did turn the burner off. But I was too worn out at my lunch break to get the bowls out and measure up the servings of soup. Not sure if that was because I didn't have breakfast as I was too busy trying to finish the soup before work, or because of hangover. And I'm not sure if I would have had enough time to eat and vacuum seal all eight servings of soup. So the soup had sat on my stove top for nine hours. I'm sure that it'll be fine. I have leftovers all of the time. And hey if I end up crapping out my guts because of food poisoning...day off! Lol. Luckily I had some Bar-S Jumbo Jumbo hot dogs in the fridge. I like these hot dogs (not sponsored) because they seem to be some of the few hot dogs that don't have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them. I think Nathan's Hot Dogs are also good on that, but those are pretty expensive. 

Voice sounds rough, I sound like a zombie that smokes six packs a day, I'm 90% sure that it's just seasonal allergies. But this evening I was starting to feel quite warm, fever maybe, Google says that allergies don't cause fever, but Alcohol Withdrawal might. I am wanting to get to the YMCA, but I think I'll wait until whatever is going on with my chest, throat, and voice clears up. Again, allergies aren't contagious, but what if it's something else? I wouldn't want to be patient zero for some conspiracy nut. I did think about going home sick today, and call in tomorrow. But I'm being paid to go to work.

For dinner I had picked up a Top Sirloin steak and a case of seltzer water. I was kicking myself the entire time I was buying it. I have food at home buying more food is just wasting money.  Also kind of makes me wonder if it were any other day other than Sunday would I be able to resist buying more beer? The other day when I had failed to resist the urge I picked up a pack of hard seltzer telling myself that at least it was low carb. I know that I'm not doing myself any favors by justifying buying stuff and my eyes still hurt from the hangover. Not sure if there's something different in the hard seltzer that hits harder, but that stuff did kind of hit.