Weight:
334.2 lbs ( 151.6 kg)
BMI: 42.9
Waist: 56 in ( 142.2 cm)
WtHr:
73.6%
Breakfast:
Bacon and eggs
Lunch: Instant Pot Chili
Dinner:
Baked Chicken
Drinks: 2x 5 hour energy shots
Didn't
wake up in time to cook the pizza casserole, but it's not going
anywhere anytime soon. I'm really starting so see that spending my
days off cooking is the thing to do. Last night was strange. I was
just so damned wiped out after work I couldn't do anything. And that was
even before I cooked the Velveeta dinner so I couldn't even blame it
on the carbs in that.
I
even woke up this morning tired. That might be the carbs from dinner
last night, but I did stay up later than I should have. I had a hard
time getting going this morning. Feet and legs did feel rough this
morning. I even slept in too long to have any coffee. I did have a
couple of energy shots over the day. I would NOT recommended the
watermelon flavored one. That one was just nasty.
Had
a reminder of a depressing thought that came into my mind today.
Nothing really triggered it, it's just a thought of something that
just kind of pops into my head every once and awhile. Kind of makes me wonder
if depressing thoughts come in more frequently when depressed or if
depressing thoughts bring in depression. Several years ago right
before Christmas I was playing Pokemon Go and caught a Pikachu
wearing a Santa hat. I thought it was kind of cute so I took a
screenshot of it and shared it on Facebook. And immediately as I
shared that my siblings also shared several pictures. They were all
unrelated so they weren't connected in any way it was just a moment
when all four of us just happened to share a Facebook post. My older
sister shared a picture of her report card that was all A's for the
semester, my younger sister shared a picture of her at her
graduation, my brother's wife shared a picture of their 3 wonderful
children and I...shared a picture of a pikachu wearing a hat. The
other members of my generation are growing and living, and I...shared
a picture of a video game mouse...wearing a hat. All I do is survive.
I just wish that I can get past that feeling of just surviving. I
don't want to 'not' survive. I just never feel like I get past that
feeling that I can't make progress on anything. This post wasn't a,
“woe is me” It isn't something I want anyone to feel sorry for me about. I'm just trying to voice a dark thought that popped
up a while ago and just brings me down whenever it comes back. I am
happy that my siblings are finding progress in their lives, I just
wish I can find some in mine.
My
mom suggested that I get more exercise and that might help with the
depression that I've been dealing with lately. I do agree that I need
more exercise. (and with how many times I had to get spell check to
get that word spelled correctly it does seem that way. Also kind of
funny how I can spell “Pikachu” just fine but I have to try two
or three times to spell egcorsize) She said that she's inspired by my
posts and she might rejoin her gym. She calls her gym “The Purple
Dragon” as the gym colors are purple and yellow. Exercise is well
known to help with many mental health issues. To be honest I
don't know all of the connections there, but I do know that there is a connection there. But like the God I believe
in I believe that health is represented in a trinity: Body, Mind, and
Spirit. If you're suffering on one it'll bring the others down. I've
never focused on exercise very much. I don't have the money or time
to join a gym. (of course you'll always find money and time to do the
things that you want to do) And I'm walking around for the better
part of nine hours a day so I never put much thought in more
exercise. I do have some 15lb (6.8 kg) hand weights around here
somewhere that I could probably get out and start curling on.
Also
had a headache all day, but haven't been drinking as much water as I
should have been over the last couple of days. That also seems to
effect mental health. But probably not as much as exercise
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