Weight:
332.6lbs ( 150.9 kg)
BMI: 42.7
Waist: 56 in ( 142.2 cm)
WtHr:
75.7%
Breakfast:
Bacon and eggs
Lunch: Fried Chicken, Macaroni Salad
Dinner:
Velveeta Ultimate Cheeseburger
Drinks: ¾ pot of coffee, 2x
Kroger Energy Shot
I
think I was feeling the effects of yesterday's bag of chips in my
thighs today. Getting up and moving I felt like the way the old
videos of astronauts on the moon looked like when they were walking
around. My legs felt like they were ten times thicker than they were,
and each leg feels like they weigh a ton a piece. And while writing
this out I was distracted by the skin on the back of my hands, when I
lift up on my fingers there's big chunks of rolling flesh on the back
of my hands. But I don't know how much of that is inflammation due to
not following my diet, or just dry skin due to the time of year. My
hands seem to be really dry and every time I wash my hands it just
seems to get worse. And I work at a grocery store so I wash my hands
A LOT.
Trucker
Roommate is in town and this week I had to drive him to the car
rental place where he could pick up the vehicle he'd be using while
home so I didn't have much time to write down very many thoughts
before work. He says that he eventually intends to buy a car to have
while home. However I'm sure that he spends more on renting a car
than what that he'd spend on a car payment, but that is his decision
to make.
Speaking
about decisions to make, I found myself pacing back and forth in
front of the lunch meat wall at the store while on my lunch break. I
was thinking about how I didn't do very well on my diet this month, and how
tired of hot dogs I was. So I just thought, “Screw it, it's been a
long time since I've had the deli fried chicken.” and the
prepackaged macaroni salad used to be my favorite. But it seems that
the deli fried chicken has kind of slackened in quality lately. They
don't even have baked chicken any more and the crust of the fried
chicken is hard and tough. And the macaroni salad wasn't very good
either. It was just a chore to eat through. I should have just gotten
the hot dogs. They would have been a hell of a lot cheaper, and more
entertaining to eat. And I do recognize that food is supposed to be
fuel, not entertainment, but lunch seemed to be a waste. Especially since I spent well over $10 on one single meal.
Most
of the second half of the day my mind was consumed by the thought a
lady brought up. As she passed through she asked if both of my
parents were still alive. I told her that my mother still lives, but
I lost my father to cancer a several years ago. She said that dying
of cancer just means that he wasn't really cared for in life. I was
kind of floored by that direct statement! She then said that people
only really die if we don't care for them anymore. I didn't have a response to that. My only consoling thought is that she
stupidly meant to imply the idea that quite a few cultures have of
the two kinds of death. A physical death when peoples bodies fail,
and a second death when people are forgotten. But I think it'd have
hurt less if she would have just pulled out a knife and just fucking
stabbed me. It took me a lot of self control to stay employed.
She
had brought that up right before the stores security guard showed me
his pay stubs for the last couple of weeks saying that he was being
screwed over on his pay. He wasn't expecting me to fix them, he was
just making conversation, and his take home pay was nearly two
hundred more dollars each week than I am making and that was what he
was saying was missing the hours of several days over the last couple
of weeks! Most of last year I was entertaining the idea of looking for a new job
because I just wasn't surviving on the pay I was making. This year I
had put that idea aside because I had re-balanced my medical benefits
and I was making enough that I thought I could survive on. But an
emotional kick to the balls, followed immediately by a financial one
might bring that idea up again.
for dinner I wasn't really feeling like doing anything. And I knew that a very easy dinner was the Velveeta Dinner that I'm trying to avoid. But at least I didn't have to wash the dish I bake the chicken in.
The show must go on - Queen
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